so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
