I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
