also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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