i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
