Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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