we have officially lost it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my penis made a compromise with my morals
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
