last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
