How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
