I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
