remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
