I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
