i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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