Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
