Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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