i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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