May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize