I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Less talking, more tequila
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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