The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize