So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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