Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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