i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
