Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
