I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
