I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
