I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
