mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
