What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
