so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
