You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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