just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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