Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize