I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
