i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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