our cab driver is having phone sex.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
