tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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