I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
