Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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