Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
