He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
