I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
