On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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