i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
