Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
