When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
