Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
