just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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