So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
