my mouth tastes like poor choices
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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