Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
