yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
