Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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