Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
