I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
