The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
