Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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