Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
