I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
