The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
