He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize