what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
